Let go. Let God.

A while has gone since my visit to India (Sept. 18th to Oct. 2nd + 3 days in London).
With a clear conscience in my head that I haven't exactly met the goals I dared to publicize here beforehand, I prefer to report my travel for itself and not by comparison to expectations.
It's a good thing to let go of frameworks when they no longer fit your reality or your purposes; on the contrary, 'pre-concepts' may make you linger in a sense of frustration if you hang on to them for too long.

Well, that's probably one of the biggest learnings from my second visit to The Incredible:
Accept what comes.
Living the most out of an experience doesn't necessarily have to mean over-scheduling, running from one place to the other, meeting the most people or visiting the most places, finding a deep significance in everything, or even feeling that your deeper purpose is met and put into practice at every minute of the trip you planned with so much love and money.
Let go. Let God.
As long as you are open to the signs and available to act upon them, what comes is exactly what you need the most at that moment.

Well, there were many plans for my trip.
But my biggest mission was to be with my mentor. As my mentor needed me by her bed, reading to her or just giving medication, as I wanted to visit her in the hospital, as her needs and my need just for her presence were what mattered the most ; as she was operated while I was there ; my stay happened around her operation and recovery.

I did have the chance to travel, to do my yoga retreat, but I knew my priorities. I did have the chance to travel around town at least...
But two attempts were enough to realize that I am no longer the brave all-resisting Raquel from 1,5 year ago. I didn't bear the feeling of chaos, pollution, noise, complication, negotiation, cheating, being lost in slums, being stuck in traffic...
I didn't bear them psychologically or physically. I didn't bear nor did I want to bear. I literally rejected all the urban surroundings that I lived with for almost a year before.
Some aspects may have contributed for it: I was in an emotional state which was not as stable + My mind knew I was there temporarily, as a tourist, so it didn't find the need to actually adapt, to find excuses or bright sides to crude realities + I didn't have companions there, friends as before + I got there with a cold caught at the airplane that evolved into some sort of growing respiratory allergy.

What was my "Indian experience" this time then?
I read quite a lot, I rested more then ever, I slept whenever my body asked me, I was inspired by my Mentor even as She slept, I went deeper into Indian culture (as in a 2nd time I could ask questions after having stoped to think from afar), I lived life with them again, ever closer to my Indian family...
As my soul made me relax rather than go out, stay in rather then adventure, delay rather then try it out... As it insisted on having me just "be" and chill... After struggling, feeling like I was wasting such an expensive trip and thinking of the ridiculous of not visiting new places, living new experiences... After struggling, I finally let go: if that's what I was wanting, that's what was meant then.
And then I realized for how long I hadn't allowed myself that: that rest, that naturality, that spontaneous happening, that feeling of home...
And living that was more precious than having added more landscapes, meditations our colourful pictures to my portfolio.

That probably says it all: I TOOK NO PICTURES but of the home, to remember it. That's the house that I have ever felt more at home in.

Mr. U is no longer (here) and I missed him there. Sivnandan is a light in the house, the new-born.
I did find me a new family, and the feeling of blessing that both me and Mrs. U feel for having met and having each other overcomes any connection.

I feel like in a movie or a book when I say it, but it's a fact: I found my mentor, my inspiration in life. She inspires me even as she sleeps. Her simple presence fills me with joy and sense of priviledge and learning.

Having said that, of course I'll return. And again, "every now and then" won't do it. Hopefully in less than 2 years. What's money or 2 weeks of vacation to feel at home?*

* A post-scriptum is imperative though: after this "reality-check", I understood that while that corner of Palace Road is an island of "home-feeling", Bangalore and India are not. This time I reinforced my certainty that I wouldn't chose to live there again. That I prefer to visit, go to help, go to travel, go to fill my heart up, go to be challenged, disturbed, marvelled, what-so-EVER - NOT to live.
* P.S. 2 - In the end I went to London to be with my Mariana. Fast and lazy again, but great to reconnect to my sister, more and more sister.